Dear Annah,
I read your piece in the March addition of Her while enjoying a lunch out on a very rare day without my two pre-schoolers. I was appalled. I know that society does not value motherhood, or even womanhood, but this attack is particularly blatant.

'Women need constant assurance in a way that no man ever would'. Why should we be compared to men? Why should I have to be like a man to be considered equal to him? I am a woman, I have strengths, which you refer to as though they are weaknesses. Prefering to keep the peace and play it safe. Can I suggest that perhaps women are gifted to keep peace, that to play it safe may be a nurturing instinct, to create a safe, peaceful environment in which to embrace motherhood in all its facets.

In a sentence you reduce motherhood to simply caregiving, and then in the next reduce it further to running around after your children. Shame on you, for being so disrespectful to the many women who chose to invest in their childrens lives. For whom THIS is their dream, to be a wife, to be a mother, to be a homemaker. This is a not just a full time job, this is a full time life. There is no dichotomy between quality time and quantity of time. Quantity is quality, quantity means that you are there to shape your childs passions and development, to teach them the skills they need to survive in the ‘school of hard knocks’. It is not a statement that I have no dreams, no confidence in myself, or need to be an extension of them. It is a statement that I have dreams to help them grow into success and independence, that I am confident enough in myself to know I am the best person to build into their life every day, that I am not an extension of them but that they extend me and challenge me to do and be more than I ever thought I could.

Motherhood is more than raising children, it is being their home. Hence the popularly derised term ‘homemaker’. It is being the place they belong. That comes from being the one who nurtured them, who created memories with them, who watched them grow and knows all their best and worst moments. That is why quantity can never be replaced by quality.

We have let society define success for us. Women who pursue their career at the expense of motherhood do so because they will be valued, respected and acknowledged for what they do. It is the women who stay to raise their children who are the ones not seeking the approval of others. Your article simply reflects the truth that society places no value on mothers who commit to being just that. But we do not need to sell out to social pressure.

I embrace all that I am as a woman, the skills I bring to this role, and challenge other women not to let society define what is truly valuable.

Hi Gill
If you could please give me your email I would love to send you the article. Email me at hermag@strettonpublishing.co.nz
Thanks,
Annah

Hi Anna,
I really enjoyed reading your editorial on women lacking confidence, whether it is projecting themselves into the workforce after a dedicated time with children, or simply needing to push themselves forward in life - believing in their abilities and not apologising for mistakes that aren't even their own!
My advice, after feeling like I have recently entered a world for ME, outside of my children is - do it! Mothers are strong role models to their children. Even more robust when they are achieving things outside the family that have a wonderful trickle down effect to everyone at home.
We should feel passionate about opportunities to spread ourselves over a broad spectrum of choices in career and family. I feel that one without the other is like running on an empty tank! Love for your children is unconditional, it's also challenging and difficult at times as we are dealing with individuals that throw you a new ball when you least expect it. Allowing career into that picture, needn't be a another obstacle. It strengthens character, provides a role model to dependents (one that they can believe in) and helps everyone realise - as you are growing you don't always have to have someone there every minute of the day, it's ok to rely on yourself and think - I can do this - what could go wrong?!
Being brought up in a generation where mothers were a constant presence and taking opportunities for one's self was left until it was almost too late - is a frustrating memory. I truly believe we can do so much more for ourselves if we just get out there and celebrate that we can make a difference and the world around us will clear the way for the refreshing energy about to arrive!

Great articles.. Very inspiring for young women to take up something and succeed in life..